Mother: To make things grow. To give us corn, apples, pears, flowers
Little Boy: Then why does it rain on the pavement.
How Much Does Ink Cost?
Boy: Is ink so very expensive, Father?
Father: Why, no, what makes you think so?
Boy: Well, Mother seems quite disturbed because I spilled some ink on the carpet.
How Do They Get Into Them?
Father: Isn’t it wonderful how little chicks get out of their shells?
Son: What puzzles me is how they get into them.
A Brave Girl
Father took his young daughter to the cinema. He took a seat in the middle of the hall while his daughter sat down in the front row to join some other children. The news-reel was showing a forest fire which frightened the little girl very much and she came back to take a seat beside her father.
“What’s the matter?” he asked. “Did the fire frighten you?”
“Oh, no!” she answered. “The smoke got in my eyes”.
– I can never sleep the night before I go on a trip.
– Then why don’t you always leave the day before?
– Was it hot where you spent your holidays last summer.
– Terrible, and no trees! We took turns lying in each other’s shadow!
– Did you take your usual two weeks trip this year?
– No; we just left our house doors open, opened the window, and got the same effect.
Watson: What school did you go to, Holmes?
Sherlock: Elementary, my dear Watson!
The conjurer arranged a new stage trick and asked his young son to help him.
“When I ask for a boy to come on the stage, you must come at once. But you must not do anything or say anything that will make the audience think that you know me”.
The boy said he understood, and when the conjurer asked for help he came quickly on forward and was invited on the stage. When this was done the conjurer said:
“Look at this boy! He has never seen me before. Have you, my boy?”
“No, Father!” replied the boy.
Two men had talked for a time in the park.
“Are you going to Milberry’s lecture today?” asked one of them.
“Certainly”, answered the other.
“Don’t go for I heard that he is a very bad speaker”.
“I must go”, said the other, “I’m Milberry”.
An absent-minded writer was very busy at his desk one evening. Suddenly his son came into the room.
“What do you want?” asked the father.
“Oh, daddy”, said the boy, “I only want to say good night”.
“I have no time”, answered his absent-minded father.
“Tell me tomorrow morning and if I’ve time, I’ll listen to you”.
A big fat man called at the house of the woman well known for her charity.
“Madam”, he said in a sad voice. “I wash to draw your attention to a poor family in our street. The father is dead, the mother is too ill to work, and the nine children are always hungry. They will be turned into the street if you don’t help them. Their rent is about twelve pounds”.
“How terrible!” exclaimed the woman. “May I ask you who you are?”
The fat man put his handkerchief to his eyes and said, “I’m the landlord. They live in my house”.
A fisherman brought a very large fish to a rich man’s house. The rich man asked the fisherman to fix his own price.
“I don’t want money”, was the answer. “One hundred lashes on my back is the price of my fish! I will not take one lash less”.
The rich man was surprised and said:
“Well, this man has a strange wish, but we must have the fish. So let the price be paid”.
After fifty lashes had been given the fisherman cried:
“Stop! Stop! I have a partner in this business and he should get his share too”.
“Where can I find him?” asked the rich man.
“He is your own servant. He didn’t let me pass until I promised to give him half of what I got for the fish”.
– How’s your little brother, Johnny?
– He is in bed. He hurt himself.
– That’s too bad. How did he do it?
– We were playing who could lean furthest out of the window, and he won.
– So, Joe was the life of the party?
– Oh, yes. He was the only one who could talk louder than the radio.
– Is your dog clever?
– Very. When I say to him: come here or don’t come here, just as you please, he comes or he doesn’t come, as he pleases.
Teacher: What is a circle?
Pupil: A circle is a line which meets its other end without ending.
Teacher: What is the difference between one yard and two yards?
Pupil: A fence!
A school teacher told a class of small pupils the story of the discovery of America by Columbus. After he had finished the story, he said:
And all this happened more than 400 years ago. A little boy, with eyes wide open with wonder, said after a moment’s thought:
“Oh! What a memory you’ve got!”
Pupil: I’ve added those figures ten times, sir.
Teacher: That’s a good boy.
Pupil: And here are the ten answers.
Robert smiled when the teacher read the story of a man who swam a river three times before breakfast.
– Do you doubt that a trained swimmer could do that? Asked the teacher.
– No, sir, – answered Robert, – but I wonder why he didn’t make it four times and swim back to the side where his clothes were.
What Did You Have for Breakfast?
On Sunday Victor went to play with Peter. Peter looked at Victor and began to laugh.
“Why are you laughing?” asked Victor.
“I can see what you had for breakfast this morning”, answered Peter.
“Well, what was it?” asked Victor.
“Eggs”, said Peter.
“You’re wrong”, said Victor. “That was yesterday”
A Good Proverb
It was tea-time. There was a large cake on the table.
“Mother”, said Peter suddenly. “Do you know the proverb: Never put off till tomorrow what you can do today? Is it a good proverb?”.
“Oh, yes, Peter”, said Mother. “It’s a very good proverb”.
“Then, Mother,” said Peter, “let’s eat all the cake today”.
How’s the weather today?
It’s so cloudy I can’t see.
Teacher: What do you see over our heads in fine weather?
Jimmy: The blue sky, sir.
Teacher: And when it rains?
Jimmy: An umbrella, sir.
Mother: Get up, you lazy boy. Look, the sun is up and you are in bed.
Boy: Yes, but the sun goes to bed at six o’clock, and I go to bed at nine.
– Tommy, why do you have your umbrella open? It isn’t raining.
– Well, you see, when it rains, Dad takes the umbrella. I get it only when we have fine weather.
There are very many cars, trolleybuses and trams in the street. A man is standing just in the middle of the street. He asks the policeman.
“What is the shotest and the quickest way to the hospital?”
The policeman answers:
“If you just stand where you are standing now, you will get there very quickly. This is the shortest and the quickest way to the hospital”.
Страноведческая викторина (6-9 классы)
4. What is the deepest and the most important river?
5. What are the main British ports?
6. Where is England situated?
7. How can you define the climate of Great Britain?
8. What was the origin of smog in the UK?
9. What goods are produced in the UK?
10. What kind of political system has Great Britain?
11. What part does the Queen play in the Parliament?
12. How can you explain the name “The Houses of Parliament?
13. Who do the House of Lords and the House of Commons consist of?
14. Why is the clock Tower called “Big Ben”?
15. What does the light at the top of the clock tower mean?
16. What is the job of the Prime Minister?
17. Where is the official residence of Prime Minister located?
18. What the most famous British newspapers do you know?
19. What are main districts of London?
20. Name the famous parks in London?
21. A fortress, a palace, a prison, a mint. What is it?
22. What battle was is 1805?
23. How many years did it take C. Wren to build St. Paul’s Cathedral?
24. Where has every English monarch been crowned?
25. Who founded Westminster Abbey?
26. Name the British Museums and Galleries.
27. Name the main stages of English schooling?
28. What is the traditional English breakfast like?
29. What is usually called a “continental breakfast”?
30. What is the traditional dish for Christmas table?
31. What is the most popular holiday in Britain and when is it celebrated?
32. What’s a carol?
33. What do the British do on Boxing Day?
34. When is Guy Fawkes Night celebrated?
35. What do you know about Guy Fawkes?
36. Name the most popular kinds of sport in English?
1. The United Kingsom of Great Britain and Northern Ireland.
2. England, Scotland, Wales and Northern Ireland.
3. The Severn
4. The Thames
5. London, Bristol, Southampton, Portsmouth, Dover etc.
6. England is a part of the island of Great Britain.
7. The climate is mild and temperate. Due to the influence of the Gulf Stream, Great Britain enjoys warmer winters and cooler summers. There much rain and fog in England.
8. All over the world Britain is notorious for its fogs. For many centuries, during the cold time of the year the English people, have been using coal in their fireplaces in private houses, though smoke from factories contributed a great deal to the trouble. That kind of fog and smoke English people used to call smog. An unusually thick smog in London in 1962 caused the death of some 4000 people. During the 1960s and 1970s, laws were passed under which using open coal fires in homes in the city area was forbidden.
9. Over three-quarters of Britain’s land is used for farming; farms produce nearly half of the food that Britain needs. The UK is a highly developed industrial country, known as a producer and exporter of machinery, electronics, ships, aircraft and navigation equipment.
10. Great Britain is a monarchy, but the power of the Queen is limited by the Parliament.
11. The Queen enters the Palace of Westminster only on the day of the State Opening of Parliamentat the beginning of a session. Crowned and wearing many of the Throne in the House of Lords.
12. The Parliament consists of two Cambers, the House of Lords and the House of Commons.
13. Members of the House of Lords (peers) are not elected. About 70 % of them are “hereditary peers” because their fathers were peers before them. The other 30 % are “life peers”, whose titles are not passed on to their children. They are officially appointed by the Queen, on the advice of the government, for various services to the nation.
Members of the House of Commons are elected by the votes of 650 Constituencies. They are known as MPs or Members of Parliament. The Prime Minister, or leader of the Government, is also a MP, usually the leader of the political party with the majority in the House of Commons.
14. The clock named after sir Benjamin Hall under whose direction the construction of the clock was conducted. People call the clock Big Ben, but the name really belongs to the bell on which the clock strikes the hours.
15. The light at the top of the clock Tower shows when Parliament is sitting at night.
16. The job of the Prime Minister is Cabinetmaking.
17. 10, Downing Street, London.
18. “The Times” “The Independent”, “The Guardian”, “The Financial Times”, “The Daily Telegraph”.
19. The West End and The East End.
20. Hyde Park, Regent Park, Kensington Garden etc.
21. The Tower of London.
22. The battle at Trafalgar.
23. It took thirty-five years.
24. In Westminster Abbey
25. Edward the Confessor in 1050.
26. The British Museum, the Science Museum, the National Gallery, the Tate Gallery, the National Portrait Gallery, Madam Tussaud’s Museum of Waxworks.
28. Cornflakes with milk and sugar, or bacon and eggs, toast and marmalade, tea or coffee.
29. A cup of tea or coffee with a toast or something similar usually called “continental breakfast”.
30. a roast turkey, Christmas pudding, Christmas cakes.
31. Christmas 25 of December.
32. Carols are traditional Christmas songs.
33. The 26th of December, Boxing Day, is an extra holiday after Christmas Day. This is the time to visit friends and relatives or perhaps sit at home and watch TV.
34. 5th of November
35. On the 5th of November in 1605, Guy Fawkes tried to blow up the House of Parliament and kill King James I. He didn’t succeed. The King’s men found the bomb, took Guy Fawkes to the Tower and cut off his head.
36. Football, cricket, rugby, horse-racing etc.
Match parts of the words. How many names of the towns and cities of Great Britain do you know?
(monarchy, federal republic, parliamentary monarchy)
3. St. Paul’s Cathedral is situated in…
(Oxford, London, Bristol)
4. Stratford-upon-Avon is the birthplace of…
(Ch. Diskens, W. Shakespeare, M. Twain)
5. Jerome K. Jerome wrote his famous book…
(“Pigmalion”, “The Pickwick Club”, “Three Men in a Boat”)
6. The biggest bell in Britain is…
(the Great Bell, the Clock Bell, Big Ben)
7. Who was an English naval captain and explorer?
(J. Cook, Ch. Columbus, M. Polo)
8. The oldest part of London is…
(the East End, the City, the West End)
9. Walter Scott, the famous writer of historical novels, lived and worked in…
(Wales, England, Scotland)
10. Speaker’s Corner is situated in…
(Hide Park, Regent Park, Kensington Garden)
11. England Queen’s name is…
(Maria, Victoria, Elizabeth)
12. “The father of London” is…
(The Thames, Big Ben, William the Conquers)
Keys: 1. London; 2. parliamentary monarchy; 3. London; 4. W. Shakespeare; 5. Three Men in a Boat; 6. Big Ben;7. J. Cook; 8. The City; 9. Scotland; 10. Hyde Park; 11. Elizabeth; 12. The Thames.
Quiz: Britain and British
1. What is the current Queen’s name?
a) Maria Stuart b) Queen Elizabeth II c) Queen Margaret II
2. Where does the Changing of the Guard take place?
a) Tower b) Buckingham Palace c) Piccadilly Circus
3. What is a double-decker?
a) a bus b) a taxi c) a ship
4. What is Harrods?
a) a bank b) a department store c) a famous man
5. How many pence are there in 1 pound sterling?
a) 10 b) 100 c) 1000
6. What is the name of the famous stadium in the north of London?
a) Wembley b) Westminster c) Wimbledon
7. Which Liverpool band was so popular in the 60’s?